(Advisory to the reader: I cannot be held responsible for any of the words that I say, and no I’m not a man hating feminist or a fairy hating fiction writer)

Why I refuse to write a story about nymphs and fairies...

#1 I have nothing to say since I hate that shit

#2 Nymphs, in Greek mythology, are minor female deities. They are described as often being the attendants of more important deities. I dare not endorse or perpetuate the ideology of women as a lesser, subservient race.

#3 The images of Nymphs take the form of young, pretty girls. They are the ancient day version of our modern day super models. They set unrealistic and unachievable standards that youth try to emulate, no matter what the damage it may cause... and they are just freakishly hot! It’s not right.

#4 I can’t write about fairies because I often get them confused with soccer players. I’m afraid my story may take a turn from fantasy into sports cast.

#5 I cannot trust fairies therefore I cannot write about them. Their magic is often misguiding and deceitful. For example, Fairy gold is notoriously unreliable, appearing as gold when paid, but soon thereafter revealing itself to be leaves. I take a moral stance on the idea that if a man wishes for gold, he should damn well get it. Those fairies are scoundrels who are masked by a glittering façade that mankind cannot resist. After all, who doesn’t like glitter?

#6 This isn’t a reason why I can’t write about fairies, it's more of a safety warning to all in the event of a fairy run-in. Fairies love dancing in a circle, using music to lure a human inside. Once trapped, escape is impossible unless a human chain is formed to pull him/her out of the circle. Let’s keep each safe out there.

#7 Lastly, I’m just too grounded of a person to indulge in fantasy outside the bedroom.