Today I am hating maturity.
Every second of my work day I wanted to respond with a whinny girl tantrom. I hate those reactions to life though... so I kept my mouth shut. Shut tight. I was a woman of few words today. But my inner dialogue was that of a bratty, overly independent 6 year old who isn't gettting her way.
Everytime I watched someone else lift something for me ... that whinny girl was singing in my head how 'she can do this herself'. The tantrom kept circling 'how stupid this is'.
They are watching me. Everytime I leave eyeshot and hear "where are you going?", the little girl inside of me wails "shut up". The girl inside of me knows they are nagging her for what she set out to do. She wants to push that rack of chairs for herself. She wants to break the rules.
These rules were put on my body to protect me. Protect me from myself. And oh man... my egomaniac, macho-independence is not making this easy.
My body and my ego are wrestling. Two weeks of work restrictions. I am hoping that my feeling of uselessness will give way to willfull laziness. I can only hope that when a man lifts something for me over the next two weeks, I can silence the sexism and happily accept the fact that someone is doing my work for me.
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