economy hits home

The conversations have been circulating around my head for months but have mostly flown in one ear and out the other.

My 401B doesn't scare me. The price of groceries is a bummer but I can afford them. I work for a financially sound nonprofit. Relatively safe, right?

There's a hushed tone around the office these days. Days have been dismal since the last staff meeting where upper management wouldn't confirm or deny major cut backs. We know next season is significantly butchered but we are waiting to see if there will be any of our necks on the chopping block.

As the sound board operator for our board meetings I usually get a ticket to the inner workings of the organization. Tuesday was one meeting I got kicked out of. Next Tuesday the rest of us will find out what 'dismissals' the Board approved.

I'm nervous. Nervous that even a cut in pay will take away all the things I worked for these last two years. How far I've come could be erased.

A few years back there was a recession that forced five of our staff out the doors. Old timers are fearing a repeat. So... who goes? They survived without my position up until I invented it. There are other positions that could be combined or reduced, but that's a friend gone then.

For the first time... I'm nervous. I'm nervous that life is deceptive in its security. That a person can live their life nobly and have it taken away for reasons beyond their control. That the life I built could be undone.